life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
