just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
