State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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