i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
