Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize