I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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