ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
