You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
