kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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