Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
