Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
