Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
