I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
vagina is talking i cant
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize