im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
