omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
