i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
