Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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