"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
