this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
