Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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