i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
