real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
