what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
