Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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