haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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