Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
