dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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