Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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