I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
