Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
