Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
sarcasm needs its own font
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
