her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
