HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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