you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
