Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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