I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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