so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
