Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
