he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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