Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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