bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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