i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
