Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
