We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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