dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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