And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
