So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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