Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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