You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
