wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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