On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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