my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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