i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
