he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
