As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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