i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize