apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
