Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
