then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
