Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
