There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
