well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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