you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
