I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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