I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
