He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
