are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
