Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
