Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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