my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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