Reggie can tackle my bush.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
