I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
