Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
