im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
