Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
