dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
