sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
