I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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