It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
