Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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