I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
