umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
