This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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