I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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