We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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