Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
