I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I love you.
Bad choice
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
