i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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