that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize