Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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