Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
