according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
