i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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