We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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