Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
