dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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