This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
