Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
