I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
