A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it glows. i had to have it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
