I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Swine flu is the new snow day.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
