Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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